need another drink. this is the easiest way
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
