i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
