i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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