don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
