I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
