Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Randomize
