the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
