Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
