not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
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Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
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