Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
She announced her abortion via fbk
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
