drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
