its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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