Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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