sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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