Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
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