So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
