my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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