So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
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I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
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It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
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