When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize