remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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