yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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