they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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