i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
