Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Is Oprah even human
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
