Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
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Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
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