he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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