brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
that may or may not have been my penis.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize