my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.