Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.