Texts From Last Night

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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.

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  (604): I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary. http://tfl.nu/udpd
  Replies (7) Good night (3881) Bad night (634)
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  (478): View more from Georgia

  I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?

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  (478): I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night? http://tfl.nu/kb80
  Replies (23) Good night (3552) Bad night (953)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...

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  (404): the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick... http://tfl.nu/wq21
  Replies (6) Good night (3369) Bad night (850)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi

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  (919): anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi http://tfl.nu/rjb1
  Replies (29) Good night (845) Bad night (4935)
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  (252): View more from North Carolina

  He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..

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  (252): He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it.. http://tfl.nu/x7yt
  Replies (20) Good night (1648) Bad night (6080)
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  (514): View more from Quebec

  We had to coat check the pizza.

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  (514): We had to coat check the pizza. http://tfl.nu/aa4o
  Replies (3) Good night (3189) Bad night (1180)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder

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  (973): the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder http://tfl.nu/ecaz
  Replies (4) Good night (2536) Bad night (972)
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  (239): View more from Florida

  In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.

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  (239): In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now. http://tfl.nu/wa2b
  Replies (32) Good night (9607) Bad night (2003)
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  (563): View more from Iowa

  I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.

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  (563): I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished. http://tfl.nu/1qri
  Replies (10) Good night (5537) Bad night (1012)
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  (870): View more from Arkansas

  I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.

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  (870): I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god. http://tfl.nu/nsks
  Replies (8) Good night (2664) Bad night (1396)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.

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  (250): Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza. http://tfl.nu/3z2i
  Replies (9) Good night (2101) Bad night (900)
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  (585): View more from New York

  I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT

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  (585): I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT http://tfl.nu/ktzj
  Replies (7) Good night (530) Bad night (883)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.

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  (330): Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving. http://tfl.nu/wsf8
  Replies (2) Good night (980) Bad night (515)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."

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  (303): My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them." http://tfl.nu/u6im
  Replies (2) Good night (996) Bad night (280)
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.

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  (716): I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year. http://tfl.nu/v14k
  Replies (2) Good night (289) Bad night (238)

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