I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.