jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize