So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best