Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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