Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
