The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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