Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
