She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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