he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize
