Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
