Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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