I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
my nose is crying tears of wow.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
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