she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
