i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
