why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
