when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
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