evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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