The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
