that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
