I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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