Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
