So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
