Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
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just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
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The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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