He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
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