trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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