I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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