Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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