Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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