does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
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