What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
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