google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
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