I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize
