I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
