Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
