I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
ugly people sure do ruin things
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize