i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
