I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
