So drunk, too bad you don't want this
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
