I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Randomize
