My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
