I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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