I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
he's gonorrhea incarnate
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
