If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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