You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
