it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
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